Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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