Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
