I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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