You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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