She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
