OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
