i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
