I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
