PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
