There was a lot of him and a little penis
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
