If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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