Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
