just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
