You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize