If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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