you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
