I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
