"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize