I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
