kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is my gift to your gina
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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