I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
