if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize