I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
