woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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