time to smoke my breakfast
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
