I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
