drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
