Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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