Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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