I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize