Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
