S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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