i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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