I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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