Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
