Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mom said you looked used
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
