I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
