My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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