I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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