hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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