There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
