First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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