Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
