I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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