You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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