I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize