i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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