yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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