He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
