I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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