im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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