He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
