I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
