I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
