Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
