Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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