I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
