dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
