I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
