My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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