Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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