He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
