Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The Olympian is in my bed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
