my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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