Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize