She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
