I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
