Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
