i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
