Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
