i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In other news, I just burned my penis
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
