I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
