yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
