I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Farmville is her only friend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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